COLUMBUS, Ohio — The Pruitt-Delacroix household announced Tuesday that its Wi-Fi router, a beige unit of no particular distinction, has been formally recognized as the family oracle, to be consulted before all major decisions, including mortgage refinancing, the purchase of a second air fryer, and whether to attend Gary’s retirement party.

The elevation followed what family members describe as “the Blink of March,” a 40-minute stretch during which the router’s amber light pulsed in a pattern that matriarch Denise Pruitt-Delacroix, 47, interpreted as “a clear no” on a proposed kitchen remodel. The remodel was cancelled. The router has since been right about everything, according to the family, in the sense that nothing it has said can be disproved.

“Steady green means yes, and it has never once been green,” said Pruitt-Delacroix, kneeling before the device on a small prayer rug she purchased online, using the router. “Slow amber means wait. Fast amber means the thing you are asking about is already happening to you. Mostly it just says ‘buffering,’ which we take to mean the universe is still deciding.”

The household unplugs the router only on solemn occasions, such as births, funerals, and the annual reading of the Terms of Service. During these rituals, the device is held for 30 seconds in silence before being restored to power, a practice the family calls “the Reboot of Reckoning.”

Teenage son Mason, 16, said he initially doubted the oracle but was converted after asking it whether he would pass his driving test. “It blinked amber twice and then dropped my Fortnite connection,” he said. “I failed the test. Coincidence? The router says no.”

The family has reportedly received no objection from their internet service provider, which has not been told. A spokesperson for the provider declined to comment on whether it was aware that its equipment had been promoted, saying only that the unit is “leased, not blessed.”

Experts in the field have weighed in cautiously. “We see this more often than people realize,” said Dr. Lorraine Quillfeather, associate professor of Domestic Divination and Consumer Electronics at the Midwestern Institute for Appliance-Based Belief Systems. “A device that blinks without explaining itself satisfies the same human need that once drew people to entrails and weather. The router has the added advantage of being plugged in near the couch.”

“Fast amber means the thing you are asking about is already happening to you.”

Quillfeather noted that the oracle’s most common prophecy, a spinning loading circle, is also the most theologically rich. “It promises everything and delivers eventually or never,” she said. “That is basically all of organized religion in a rectangle.”

Not everyone in the household has embraced the new order. Family dog Biscuit has repeatedly urinated near the router’s power strip, which the Pruitt-Delacroixs have interpreted as either heresy or a sign that the oracle wishes to be moved.

At press time, the family had asked the router whether it was wise to continue consulting it. The light turned amber, held for six seconds, and went dark. The family has taken this as a resounding maybe and is calling their provider’s help line, which has placed them on hold.