LIVING ROOM — A coalition of the nation’s houseplants issued a joint statement Tuesday denying any knowledge of where their owners went wrong, calling the recent season of brown leaf tips “an unfortunate development that we observed from a stationary position.”

The statement, released on behalf of an estimated 400 million indoor plants, was read aloud in total silence by a Boston fern on a plant stand. It was vetted by a legal team consisting of a snake plant that has not moved since 2019.

“We want to be clear that we have been nothing but cooperative,” the statement read. “We sat in the pots we were given. We faced the light as best we could. At no point did we communicate our needs, because we have no mechanism for doing so, and we believe this was understood going in.”

The pothos, which has historically been regarded as the most forgiving member of the coalition, was reportedly “hurt” by suggestions that it had grown leggy out of spite. “It trails,” the statement said. “That is what the name implies. We were never told there was a rule about the bookshelf.”

Attention turned to the fiddle-leaf fig, which declined to sign the joint statement and instead dropped a single large leaf onto the hardwood floor during the press event. A spokesperson later described the gesture as “a personal statement” and “not up for questions.”

Dr. Marguerite Ostrowski-Plume, senior fellow at the Institute for Chlorophyll Accountability and Interpersonal Soil Studies, said the plants’ position is “technically unfalsifiable.”

“A plant cannot tell you it is thirsty, overwatered, or simply tired of the apartment,” said Ostrowski-Plume. “It can only turn a little yellow and let you assume the worst. Frankly, it’s the most successful passive-aggressive strategy in the natural world, and it’s been running for 400 million years.”

“We were not consulted about the radiator.”

The statement also addressed the so-called “window situation,” in which the plants were relocated several times to rooms that, in the coalition’s words, “promised light but delivered ambience.” The plants denied that this was their fault and noted that they were not asked for input on any of the moves, though they added that they would not have had any.

Owners nationwide responded to the statement with a mixture of guilt and defensiveness. “I water it every Sunday,” said Dale Pruitt, 41, of Dayton, Ohio, gesturing toward a rubber plant that appeared to be leaning away from him. “Or most Sundays. Or I think about it every Sunday.”

At press time, the plants had concluded the briefing by dropping two additional leaves, which the coalition clarified were “unrelated to everything we just said” and “just happening.”