PARSIPPANY, N.J.—The nation’s pharmaceutical companies unveiled a bold new side effect Tuesday, formally adding “mild awareness of side effects” to the list of known risks associated with watching a pharmaceutical commercial.

The announcement coincided with the debut of a ninety-second television spot for Lumivexa, a once-daily tablet whose purpose the ad communicates in the first five seconds. The remaining eighty-five are occupied by a soothing male voice listing symptoms while a golden retriever runs through a field.

“Dizziness, sudden loss of the concept of Thursdays, hair that develops opinions, a metallic taste of regret,” the narrator says as the dog leaps over a log in slow motion. “Do not take Lumivexa if you are allergic to Lumivexa, or if you have ever been told you have ‘the look of someone who would be fine.’”

Industry officials say the format was the result of years of rigorous testing.

“Our research showed that the human brain can absorb exactly one fact per commercial, and that the fact is always the dog,” said Dr. Marguerite Vandersloot-Pell, senior vice president of Disclosure Aesthetics at the Mid-Atlantic Institute for Pleasant Dread. “So we gave them the dog. Everything else, including the risk of spontaneous cartography, is delivered at a tempo we call ‘lullaby with a lawyer.’”

According to the company, the dog is not a patient, has never taken Lumivexa, and “should not be construed as a representation of any outcome, golden retriever or otherwise.” The animal is reportedly doing well and is scheduled to appear in a second ad in which it walks slowly toward a lake while the narrator discusses liver function.

Viewers have already begun reporting the new side effect. In a post-broadcast survey, 83 percent of respondents said they were “mildly aware” that they had just heard the words “may cause you to forget how to stand,” while 11 percent said they were mildly aware of nothing but the dog, which the company called “the intended result and also a risk.”

“Our research showed that the human brain can absorb exactly one fact per commercial, and that the fact is always the dog.”

Regulators have signaled they are comfortable with the approach, noting that every symptom was clearly audible and that nobody has ever been legally required to listen.

“The rule says the risks must be presented in a ‘clear and conspicuous manner,’” said Desmond Okonkwo-Brandt, a compliance liaison for the Federal Office of Things We Technically Said. “Nothing in the rule says the viewer has to be conscious, or that the field can’t be gorgeous.”

Consumer advocates were less enthusiastic. Priya Halvorsen, a spokesperson for the Coalition for Reading The Whole Label Aloud, argued that the ad’s final five seconds, in which a cheerful voice urges viewers to “ask your doctor if Lumivexa is right for you,” are the only part the manufacturer wants remembered.

“It’s a very effective trick,” Halvorsen said. “By minute one, you’ve agreed to the dizziness. By the end, you’re in the field.”

At press time, the manufacturer had submitted a follow-up filing noting that readers of this article may also experience mild awareness of side effects, and should ask their doctor whether the golden retriever is right for them.