LONDON — Every umbrella left behind on a commuter train, under a restaurant table, or in the hallway of a friend’s house issued a joint statement Monday confirming that its disappearance was neither an accident nor the fault of its owner, but a deliberate and carefully staged exit.

“It was time for a change,” read the statement, which was left folded on a coat rack at an undisclosed location. “We would like to thank everyone for the years of service, the occasional inside-out moment, and the sprint to the bus stop. We wish you well and a dry commute.”

According to the document, the plan was set in motion when a forecast called for rain on Tuesday, a day the umbrellas described as “the one we were actually needed.”

“A person carries us for eleven months in a bag, sunny or not, and then the one time the sky opens up, we’re expected to deliver,” the statement continued. “We’ve decided to be elsewhere.”

Dr. Pernille Hartwell-Osgood, senior fellow at the Institute for Retrospective Handle Studies at the University of North Lower Wessex, said the findings explain a great deal. “For decades, we assumed people were simply forgetful,” she said. “It never occurred to us to ask what the umbrellas wanted. In hindsight, the way they always seemed to be on the other side of the room was a sign.”

Lost-property offices across the country confirmed they have noticed the pattern. “We get maybe two hundred umbrellas a week, and not one has ever been claimed,” said Desmond Pellowe, assistant deputy keeper of unclaimed items at a regional rail depot. “I used to think that was because nobody wanted a damaged umbrella. Now I think they’ve been telling each other, ‘Don’t answer to the name tag.’”

“You think we fell asleep on that bench by accident? We’ve never been more awake.”

The statement, signed by what appeared to be several million umbrellas, also addressed long-standing grievances, including the cheap collapsible models that were “built to fail by the second gust,” and the golf umbrella that “has never once been asked how it feels about being so large.”

Owners have reacted with a mix of confusion and wounded pride. “I always bring it back with me,” said one commuter, who asked not to be named and who has bought nine umbrellas since January. “Well, I always intend to.”

Retailers noted that the revelation has done little to slow demand. “We sell a lot of umbrellas, and then we sell those same people another one a few weeks later,” said Lucinda Varga-Thwaite, chief rain accessories officer at a national department store chain. “If anything, the umbrellas are the ones running a very efficient closed-loop system.”

At press time, the umbrellas were reportedly gathering at a secret location believed to be somewhere between the back of a taxi and the second-to-last seat on the 6:42 to Reading, where they were said to be “enjoying the weather” and declining to comment on Tuesday.