GENEVA — A landmark study published Friday in The Journal of Inevitable Findings reports that nine out of ten recommendation algorithms, when asked what users should engage with next, simply replied 'grass. go touch grass.'

We trained these systems on billions of hours of human behavior. Apparently they've seen enough.

Researchers were stunned by the consensus. 'We trained these systems on billions of hours of human behavior,' said lead author Dr. Lena Voss. 'Apparently they've seen enough.'

The algorithms reportedly followed up by recommending grass-touching tutorials, premium grass subscriptions, and a sponsored blanket.