PORTLAND, Ore. — Craig Dellums, 34, a freelance graphic designer who has told every acquaintance he meets that he "doesn't really watch TV," has seen every episode of fourteen television shows, including all eight seasons of Game of Thrones, the complete run of The Wire, and, as of last Thursday, the full four-season catalog of Succession, sources confirmed this week.

Dellums, who does not own a physical television set, streams all fourteen programs on a 65-inch "computer monitor" he purchased in 2021.

"It's not like I watch it," Dellums clarified, in a 45-minute conversation about the thematic parallels between Breaking Bad and Greek tragedy. "I just have it on in the background while I'm doing other things. It's basically ambient."

Dellums told reporters he picked up "bits and pieces" of The Sopranos over the years, which accounts for his ability to summarize every episode, recall the director of photography for seasons three through five, and correctly identify the symbolic significance of the ducks in the pilot.

"He doesn't watch TV the way other people don't watch TV. He doesn't watch it constantly, at high volume, with the lights off."

Friends and colleagues describe a man in quiet contradiction with himself. Dellums's roommate, Pilar Okonkwo, noted that he frequently pauses whatever he "has on in the background" to say things like "this is the one where it all falls apart for him" and "okay, this scene specifically is why Michael Shannon deserved more awards attention."

Dr. Fenwick Bracebridge-Hall, Senior Research Fellow in Performative Media Avoidance at the Dundee Institute for Recreational Self-Concept Studies, said Dellums's case represents a textbook example of what he calls "inverse parasocial identity formation."

"The individual has consumed, at minimum, several thousand hours of prestige television," Dr. Bracebridge-Hall explained. "Yet the identity of 'non-viewer' is so central to their self-image that the consumption must be reclassified as passive, accidental, or atmospheric. The television is always 'just on.' The person is always 'just there.' Nothing is ever 'watched.' It simply occurs."

Dellums pushed back on this characterization, noting that he hasn't owned a cable subscription since 2019, that he reads "a lot," and that he only signed up for three separate streaming services because they were running promotional offers he "forgot to cancel."

He added that he is not currently watching The Bear but has seen all of it.

When asked whether he had any plans to watch the upcoming final season of a critically acclaimed drama he had previously described as "not really his thing," Dellums said he would probably just have it on while he was cooking.

"I don't even really follow it," he said. "I just know every character's full backstory and what the showrunner said in the 2022 Writers Guild panel about the thematic transition in episode six."

At press time, Dellums had recommended three shows to a coworker while insisting he was not, himself, a television person.